You Need a Death Plan: How What I Learned Taking Care of My Best Friend Became a Mission to Help Others Plan for a Good Death

April 14, 2025
ACP
3 min
Nicole Soares, Death Doula and End-of-Life Educator

My best friend, Kristine, was a healthy, vibrant 44-year-old woman when a sudden boat accident left her in critical condition. She didn’t have an advance directive or a healthcare agent in place, so, because of our friendship and my long career as a financial expert, her family asked me to step in and make decisions on her behalf.

One of the hardest moments of my life was deciding whether to place Kristine on a feeding tube after doctors removed a golf-ball-sized portion of her brain. She was alive, but we didn’t know if she had any brain activity. It felt like a decision with no clear right answer. Ultimately, I made the best decision I could—one that led to Kristine needing 24/7 care for the rest of her life.

I'll never know if the decision I made is what my friend would have wanted. But what I do know is that I never want to find myself in her situation or leave someone I love with the responsibility of making an impossible decision on my behalf. Kristine didn’t make her wishes known, which isn’t surprising, as most healthy 40-year-olds don’t. Her tragic accident is why I’m so passionate about guiding others through comprehensive advance planning—so they can clearly document their wishes just in case an emergency occurs.

My daughter and I now have regular conversations about my wishes. It’s important to me that she not only understands them, but, as my assigned healthcare agent, that she is willing and able to honor them when the time comes. I’m lucky—I have someone I trust who is open to having these important conversations with me.

But not everyone has a loved one who is equipped to take on that role. And even more often, people aren’t sure what their options are or what their end-of-life wishes would be. For those who don't have someone, I am able to act as their agent.

One of the key reasons I started EcoLove Transitions is because of how overwhelming the process of making a comprehensive advance plan can be. I’ve seen many people freeze and fail to fully execute their forms. It’s a complicated topic, and many simply don’t know how to articulate what they want. As a certified guide, I provide clear examples of possible scenarios that help them identify their preferences. These examples have proven to be one of the most valuable tools I offer, and many clients have told me they couldn’t have completed their advance directive without them.

The more I talk to people about death, the more it becomes clear that most of us don’t realize completing a medical advance directive is just as important as financial estate planning. We hire attorneys to draw up documents that will protect our assets and funds in case of an emergency or death, but we don’t take the time to plan for our healthcare, our bodies, and the emotional well-being of our loved ones.

I know this because I did it myself: three years after Kristine’s accident, I hired an attorney to complete my living trust and will. I was proud of myself for taking the step, because it gave me peace of mind to know that my kids wouldn't have to go through probate to gain access to the assets, I plan to leave them or guess what my wishes were if I was ever incapacitated. But when I reviewed my binder a few months ago, I was horrified to find that the medical advance directive forms were blank. Worse yet, none of my assets had been properly transferred into the trust, rendering the process ineffective.

I was a healthy, young woman at the time, and like my parents—who had passed away without their own documents in order—I never learned about death planning. The attorney gave me a pile of templates and provided less than an hour of guidance in a process that felt completely foreign to me. Nothing was clear, and the result was incomplete paperwork that didn’t accomplish what I’d wanted it to at all.

That experience reinforced why I’m so passionate about helping people complete their advance care planning with clarity and intention. I have dedicated this chapter of my life to being a guide who helps others articulate their values and preferences in a way that will be honored, whether they’re facing a serious illness or simply planning for the future. A death plan isn’t just a bunch of decisions about dying; it’s an opportunity to live more fully, knowing that when the time comes, your wishes will be respected and your loved ones will be cared for.

I’ve partnered with several industry experts to offer the families and individuals I work with education and services in all aspects of end-of-life planning. In addition to guiding clients through advance care medical and financial planning, I provide bedside support to those who are dying, assist with eco-friendly after-death care, and help families create meaningful funeral celebrations and legacy projects. By offering support for mind, body, spirit, and finances, I customize my services based on each person’s unique needs. I think of my business as a one-stop death shop: a place where someone can ask questions, get answers, learn new things, gain support, and make a plan.

As a member of a conscious community here in Southern California, I am honored to help others approach death with the same intentionality with which they live. My focus is on ensuring that people are empowered and prepared—whether they have decades left to live or are nearing the end of their journey.

When you work with me to complete a comprehensive advance directive, you are taking control of your death plan. You’re making sure that your wishes are clearly documented and that your loved ones will never have to make an impossible decision on your behalf. By planning ahead—by making a death plan—you’re giving yourself and your family the gift of peace of mind, the gift of celebrating the time you have together, and, when the time comes, the gift of clarity, dignity, and time to grieve.

You need a death plan. But you don’t need to make one alone. When you’re ready to take the next step, my team and I will be here to help make sure your wishes are clear, documented, and honored. Death isn’t easy, but it can be good.

So, as soon as you’re ready, give me a call. Let’s talk about it.

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